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Post by handhugs4ever on Jul 8, 2011 12:52:47 GMT -6
A while ago, I had a FF posted called "Where Are You Now?" and a sequel called "Full Moon Crazy." I looked at what I had written the other day and thought it wasn't very good. My writing style has changed since then. I wasn't sure if I wanted to continue it or not. I do have a few ideas, but I figured I could save them for another one.
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Post by barkysparky on Jul 8, 2011 13:19:31 GMT -6
I totally understand what you mean about writing style changing. i've written some stories over the years and every time I go back to them, I wince. i'd love to read your FF, continued or not.
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Post by xjillianpaige on Jul 8, 2011 21:57:20 GMT -6
Do a re-write!
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Post by handhugs4ever on Jul 9, 2011 6:42:44 GMT -6
Okay, I did a re-write of chapter 1 but I'm still not sure I like it. LOL.
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Post by xjillianpaige on Jul 9, 2011 8:17:23 GMT -6
Find someone to beta for you. If you want to send me the chapter, I can read it and edit it/let you know what I think before you post it. =]
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Post by handhugs4ever on Jul 9, 2011 13:41:24 GMT -6
Please critique, I don't like it, but maybe someone else will...
Where Are U Now?
Chapter 1:
Flashback….
About 2 ½ years ago.
“HEY!!!” I yelled as a huge splash of water hit me in the face. “What was that for?” I said laughing. I didn’t know who did it, but I intended to find out. “You,” I said pointing at the now laughing Alex. He stood up from where he was sitting on the dock, still laughing. I stood up from where I was sitting and pushed him so that he fell right into the lake. I broke into more laughter. Next thing I knew we were all pelting each other with laughter
End of flashback.
“Rose? Rose!” Lauren said shaking me out of my flashabck “What? Hmm?” I said blinking. “I know that look, you were thinking about the guys again,” Lauren said as if she felt the same way I did. “I can’t stop missing them,” I said with a sigh. “Which time were you thinking about?” she asked looking down. “The time when we had that weird splash war thing,” I said laughing. “Oh yeah,” she said joining in. "I miss them..." "Me too" There was a moment of silence. “We haven’t seen Jason, Andrew, Michael, or Alex since that horrible day they told us they formed a band and were doing a tour, and know they are on tour with the Jonas Brothers. Which if you add up all those years it’s three years exactly,” I said breaking the peace. Lauren nodded. I looked out the window, where we said our final good-byes. Tears slowly rolled down my cheek.
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Post by honorsociety343 on Jul 9, 2011 14:03:39 GMT -6
...that horrible day they told us they formed a band and were doing a tour... L.O.L.  that was funny. it's alright, better than some i've seen. |
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Post by xjillianpaige on Jul 9, 2011 21:24:14 GMT -6
It's not terrible.
It needs to be longer. You tend to repeat words. I think you used some derivative of "laugh" a LOT in the flashback. I would also find a better way to indicate a flashback than FLASHBACK/END OF FLASHBACK. Break up your dialogue. Each person speaking should be a new paragraph. Also, don't be TOO dialogue heavy. Set the scene. Use more description, it's really vague.
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Post by barkysparky on Jul 11, 2011 6:08:06 GMT -6
^ yeah what she said! lol
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Post by handhugs4ever on Jul 11, 2011 9:27:07 GMT -6
:/ I'm definitely not posting it. The more I read it the more I hate it....
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Post by omgz111 on Jul 11, 2011 15:24:59 GMT -6
I love reading them, not very good at editing or giving suggestions though  |
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Post by handhugs4ever on Jul 12, 2011 10:59:50 GMT -6
Well, I'm not posting Where Are You Now. But while going through my old ideas and pieces of stories I came up with an idea and it's working really well.  Maybe I'll post it in a couple days or so. When I can work out the one or two kinks. |
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nicolehsfan
Full Member
'cause i wanna be wherever you are. <3
Posts: 148
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Post by nicolehsfan on Jan 2, 2012 16:14:52 GMT -6
hmm. i remember your fanfiction. it was pretty great. (:
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Post by hschick95 on Jan 22, 2012 0:52:12 GMT -6
I LOVED YOUR FAN FICTION!!!! Just saying:) hahaha im a dork, i know if you can't love um join um lol that makes absolutely no sense... *face palm* I really did like your old fan fics |
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Post by dixopuhut on Apr 19, 2019 19:14:10 GMT -6
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that was funny. it's alright, better than some i've seen.
Maybe I'll post it in a couple days or so. When I can work out the one or two kinks.
